Parenting
I've been thinking about this topic lately.
Specifically I've been thinking about the complexity of parenting... and how much of that is self-created. How much of it could be easier if we made different decisions? In our house, I think a fair amount of it could absolutely be easier if we made different parenting decisions.
It would be easier to yell or snap at them. It would be easier to not listen to them. It would be easier to tell them how it is going to be. It would be easier to not negotiate with a 3 year old. It would be easier if we could tell them when to sleep and when to wake. It would be easier if we controlled every morsel of food that passed their lips. It would be easier to not respect them. It would be easier to treat them as a kid and not a human being.
But... we intentionally make the decisions we do because it fits into "our" desired parenting approach. Some of which is driven to do things differently than our parents did. Most really is simply to be the parents we want to be. If our job is tougher than it "needs" to be to achieve this, then so be it. We opted to become parents and parents we will be, eternally. Not just until they are 18, 21, 25, 30...
Sometimes I get the feeling that people think that we are making it too difficult. It should be easier than it is. Heck, maybe even that we are making a fair amount of it up? Ya know, because their kids never did x, y, OR z. Which then has me wondering 1) how long has it been since they had 3 children ages 3 and under and more importantly 2) do they let their child imagine, explore, and be a child?
Or the other thought is that our kids are just so challenging and hard to handle or control. Which then concerns me that they are trying to control my child. They do not need to be controlled. Chaos is best avoided through adult involvement and guidance. A certain amount of destruction is going to happen when small children are left to their own devices. I have come to terms with that.
My children need love, guidance, and respect. They need us to listen to them as we expect them to listen to us. Their life should be filled with adventures. They should be able to dream and explore. They should be able to imagine. They should have opportunities to learn things on their own in their own time... no one to hold them back and no one to push them forward. This isn't to say that they don't have rules that they know, understand, and follow.
In my eyes, my children are perfect and represent all the things I could ever hope for. I love them and they love me... and I don't take that for granted. I hope our love and respect holds strong through all the years. I realize that this relationship will be tested over time. Ultimately I hope that as adults they have a level of respect for us that I could never ever dream of.
Specifically I've been thinking about the complexity of parenting... and how much of that is self-created. How much of it could be easier if we made different decisions? In our house, I think a fair amount of it could absolutely be easier if we made different parenting decisions.
It would be easier to yell or snap at them. It would be easier to not listen to them. It would be easier to tell them how it is going to be. It would be easier to not negotiate with a 3 year old. It would be easier if we could tell them when to sleep and when to wake. It would be easier if we controlled every morsel of food that passed their lips. It would be easier to not respect them. It would be easier to treat them as a kid and not a human being.
But... we intentionally make the decisions we do because it fits into "our" desired parenting approach. Some of which is driven to do things differently than our parents did. Most really is simply to be the parents we want to be. If our job is tougher than it "needs" to be to achieve this, then so be it. We opted to become parents and parents we will be, eternally. Not just until they are 18, 21, 25, 30...
Sometimes I get the feeling that people think that we are making it too difficult. It should be easier than it is. Heck, maybe even that we are making a fair amount of it up? Ya know, because their kids never did x, y, OR z. Which then has me wondering 1) how long has it been since they had 3 children ages 3 and under and more importantly 2) do they let their child imagine, explore, and be a child?
Or the other thought is that our kids are just so challenging and hard to handle or control. Which then concerns me that they are trying to control my child. They do not need to be controlled. Chaos is best avoided through adult involvement and guidance. A certain amount of destruction is going to happen when small children are left to their own devices. I have come to terms with that.
My children need love, guidance, and respect. They need us to listen to them as we expect them to listen to us. Their life should be filled with adventures. They should be able to dream and explore. They should be able to imagine. They should have opportunities to learn things on their own in their own time... no one to hold them back and no one to push them forward. This isn't to say that they don't have rules that they know, understand, and follow.
In my eyes, my children are perfect and represent all the things I could ever hope for. I love them and they love me... and I don't take that for granted. I hope our love and respect holds strong through all the years. I realize that this relationship will be tested over time. Ultimately I hope that as adults they have a level of respect for us that I could never ever dream of.
posted by Sonya at 2:51 PM
3 Comments:
I have two girls who are 12 and 14. I find that as soon as I let consistency or lack of attention go for even a minute they change. I love them so much and I want them to know that.
I want my kids to grow up with respect for themselves, us and others. I totally agree with your post. It would be easier to control them, but then what would we end up with. My girls are both very different and have different needs and we encourage them in everything they do. We want them to be themselves. To walk tall and be proud of who they are.
Thanks for your blog today, I loved it. :-)
This is well written!! I am with you 100%.
It is easier to not respect them or their needs but easier isn't always a good choice...and, I have found, rarely ever when kids are involved. Our kids are gifts - miracles and they should be treated as such.
Thank you for writing this.
Thanks!
This goes without saying though that while this gives a view of our parenting goals, there are many times where we fall short.
Many days where we... are not patient enough, do not listen enough, negotiate too much, do not give our full attention, etc...
We are not perfect, far from it, but we can strive to be the parents we want to be and instill these values within them.
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