Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm on the world's biggest roller coaster and for that I should apologize to those that have to live with me or be around me.  I can hardly stand myself.  I need to "figure this out", and quick!  If only "figure this out" were that easy.  I've got years of shit to "figure out".  Where's that easy button? 

I get to go talk with someone that will hopefully help me sort it all out.  I wonder where she'll start?  The possibilities are endless!  Last week I was all nervous about the upcoming appointment.  I was a mess, at the lowest point of that roller coaster. What the hell was I thinking about opening those wounds further?  I can only imagine that it will get worse before it gets better, much like a good spring cleaning.  I don't think I can handle worse!

Today though, today looks promising.  So bring it on!

This morning I'm at the highest peak of the roller coaster.  If only the operator would stop the ride and leave us hanging there.  I could deal with that.

There's so much hurt and hate and anger and fear in the world.  Imagine what it would be like if we could ALL get stuck at our highest peak.  Suddenly a flash of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs comes into my head.  Okay, so maybe we don't all want to be stuck in happy land forever.  Though it sure sounds appealing!

The Day After Halloween

All I can think is "THANK GOD IT'S OVER".

I feel like a crappy parent for even thinking that, let alone saying that.

I guess I'm just not Halloween material.  Perhaps I should make a list of all the things we should do differently next year.  Or better yet, maybe "I" should skip Halloween and return when it's over.  Ahhh... maybe I should stay home and hand out candy???  Maybe the real answer is that I just need to loosen up and be okay with all the craziness?

The thing is my kids love Halloween.  I need to figure out how to at least like it and do my best to not crap on their parade.

I'm not really "anti" Halloween...

We decorated the house.

The kids all selected costumes... could have done without the drama.

They all chose their perfect pumpkins... As easy as it was to get them from (and to support our) Church, I'm regretting not going out to the field to get them as we usually would.

Per my request, we went to THE pumpkin patch of all pumpkin patches to celebrate my birthday!  I love that place!

We carved pumpkins.  We didn't even wait until the last minute to do so!  I think I'll enjoy this more when they are more able to do their own.  I need to remember to look for patterns in advance next year!

We lit their pumpkins and they were beautiful.  They didn't get lit ON Halloween because it was too crazy and we didn't have our shit together.  I have no pictures with the kids and their carved pumpkins.

They dressed up to go trick-or-treating... except one child couldn't find all of her costume because she didn't leave it alone.  She didn't have THE one piece that caused so much drama when selecting the costume.  But that night, in the moment, she could seem to care less that she didn't have it.  Really!?!?!?

We all went trick-or-treating... except we were running late and we were starting to get trick-or-treaters making it hard to get out ourselves.  This would be our fault.

I took pictures... It was crazy.  I don't have a clue how they turned out, I'm not expecting much.

They had fun trick-or-treating... except all the times we hounded them to say thank you (WTF happened to our polite children?)... except the time that one of our children tripped and scraped up a leg pretty good only to have one of my other children push right past to get to the door... except for the time that she was rude and offended a parent that was handing out candy... except for the time that we were absolutely livid as a result of that and that.

I DID love the moments that my children were kind and thoughtful to their (younger) friend that was trick-or-treating with us for part of the evening (before it got really bad).  That was heartwarming.

Halloween seems to bring out the worst of their personalities... all in one night!  As I reflect on it, it's not fair to lump all my children together.  The bulk of our frustration really revolves around one child. 

As soon as we are home from trick-or-treating.  As soon as we close the front door.  All is good.  Crazy children leave and my children return.  At that point I'm relieved that Halloween is over for one more year!