Thank You Guilt

I'm good, I think (I hope), at thanking people for their kind gestures and thoughtfulness in person.  I'm even often good at writing thank you notes for occasions such as birthdays and holidays.  Though come to think of it, I've been lacking in this area recently.  Maybe because we work closely with our young children on these tasks?  I'm not at all good about hand writing notes of any kind "just because".

This Friday marks the 17 month anniversary of a major life altering event for our family.  Since we are still "in the middle of it" 17 months sounds a whole lot longer than it feels.  At the time right after the accident we had an amazing outpouring of support.  It was amazing and indescribable.  All I can hope is that other families going through hard times have that same kind of support around them.

It was clearly an overwhelming time in our lives.  It was a time where all of our energy was focused on healing our daughter and taking care of the physical and emotional needs of all of our children.  Then we were forced to give attention to our own emotional healing as well.  As time marched on we would take care of only the absolute necessities as our focus was on healing.

All the while I'm playing our own personal episode of Intervention in my head because we didn't take care of things as we should have.  Cue cute baby picture followed by tragic story line and all the ways the parents F'd up that sent the child down a path of hell. :)

So all that's an excuse and to this day I still feel guilty (sometimes more than others, today being more) about not hand writing thank you notes to everyone.  We thanked everyone in person. There were very few hand written notes and even a few e-mails of thanks sent out.  We did journal (almost) all of our visitors, phone calls, the numerous gifts brought to the hospital, brought to our home, and sent in the mail.  I'm pretty sure we left the drivers numerous gifts off that list!  We were prepared to send out formal thank you notes, we just couldn't.   

This is all heightened for me at the moment because of my experience witnessing another family go through a tremendous situation that has to be much more difficult than our own experience.  The mom lost her husband in a tragic accident that also severely injured her almost 3yr old and 8 yr old while she was at home with their 5m old... on the first day of school.  Oh, and the other drivers BAC was 4x the limit at 8am.  He was on his way to work!  In just 2 short months after the accident she writes... 

"I was getting excited that I finished off a roll of 100 stamps...until I realized that I'm probably only about 1/3 into the notes that I need to write of those that I "know" I need to thank.  I wish I knew more of the service rendered so I could thank people, but it's really impossible I suppose."

We were the recipient of one of those very nice notes.  Then I felt guilty that she dedicated her time to writing me.

I can't imagine.  We totally felt the need to thank folks for their generosity.  Words couldn't possibly express our gratitude.  But at first it felt impossible to hold it all together and to write these notes.  At whatever point it became physically and emotionally possible to do so, so much time had passed and so many people (or everyone) had moved on. 

But now that I've got some distance I wonder if we did the "right thing".

"Busy"

I really dislike that term yet I find myself using it all the time.  What does "busy" really mean?  We all have the same amount of time granted to us each and every day.  Its not like it's a race to see who can be busier.  I suspect each persons perspectives on "busy" would differ based on where they are at in their life.  It's just an easy term to throw out there when life has you on the go.  On the go with all things that we've agreed to and enjoy I might add.

Speaking of, I just cracked open a book titled "Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life" that our Principal has loaned to me.  I'm only a few pages in but it looks like an interesting read.  Sadly, I'm not one to enjoy reading as a hobby so I hope I stick with it!

It's always been a priority for us to not over schedule our kids.  Sure, we want them to be involved in organized sports, activities & clubs.  But we also value the opportunity to be spontaneous and free.  We've always avoided overlapping activities.  But at the ripe old age of 8, it seems like we've hit the magic age that this gets more complicated.  Seriously, EIGHT!  It seems like the activities are more intense and have a greater time commitment.  Thankfully the girls only have an interest in swim team!  It feels good to have found a sport that they really are passionate about.

We're also trying to balance the needs and schedules so Mr. Spencer isn't drug all over the place due to the girls schedule.  That's a tough one that we are still trying to figure out!  At times I feel at peace with our efforts and other times I've got huge momma guilt.

The girls had their first fall swim meet this past weekend in Norfolk.  It was a great day of swimming!  It was the first time we've ever had to get the entire family up and out of the house at the crack of dawn.  Due to the above mentioned momma guilt we went back and forth on who would actually go to this event.  Not to mention our newly added responsibilities of Mr. Mason.  But in the end it ended up being a great decision for all of us to go.  Spencer enjoyed a really long day of playing various pickup games in the gym.  He had no qualms about asking the big kids if he could play whatever they were playing and he made some friend along the way.  I know he loves the time we shoot hoops or play kick ball in the gym.  He finally had met his match and these kids were in it for the long haul, far longer than I would last!

I know for other families it may be a regular occurrence to get the family up and going in the wee morning hours, but for us it is not.  We regularly have a hard time making it to Sunday School by 9:30. :)  For this day, our goal was to leave by 6:45am and we were pretty darn close!  It all went much smoother than we anticipated.  The kids thought it was weird to go in their jammies!  One of the highlights of the morning was watching the sun come up.  Of course by the end of the 12 hour day we were all exhausted, particularly the adults.  The kids of course didn't crash until their heads hit their pillows.

PTA related... I've just made it through 5 big events since the start of school with 1 more small event and 4 more really huge events coming up in the next few weeks.  November is my key event, one that I added to our calendar just last year.  It's a month where we focus on Healthy Lifestyles with each week of the month taking a different theme.  I'm hoping it will go as great as it did last year!  Once I get through November we'll be set.  Thanks to school breaks we've got a nice little break from PTA stuff in December and January.  We can't be fooled by these breaks though!  The February deadlines sneak up on us rather quick!

In our down time we are enjoying the College Football season!  It's a time of year we always look forward to but not always have we been able to kick back and enjoy the games.  As the kids continue to get older we find ourselves able to enjoy such luxuries while they thoroughly enjoy their down time with hobbies that are of interest to them.  Which means that they either are reading or have covered the dining table and a solid 5' perimeter in various art materials.  It's worth it though! 

Mr. Mason

We've got our puppy!

Mason came to us through a local rescue shelter that Carie found through adoptapet.com.  I wasn't sure that he was "the" one but Carie fell in love with his profile.  There was another Cocker Spaniel mix that we were really interested in meeting, but unfortunately he was adopted before we got a chance to meet him. 

Then, THEN I met Mason and knew right away that he was part of our family.  His foster momma brought him over to meet us on Friday afternoon.  We were all sitting on the floor hanging out with him and it didn't take long for him to crawl into my lap to look for some lovin'.  He sure knew who to suck up to first! 

Mason is the name he was given from the rescue shelter.  We've discussed giving him a new name and ultimately left it up to the kids.  They've all decided that they like the name Mason, so Mason it is.  Hopefully he'll answer to his name at some point!  LOL

I don't often get all excited about "signs", but perhaps this is a sign that it was meant to be... Abby & Ellie's birthday is 06/06, Spencer's birthday is 04/26, and Mason was born on 06/26.

He sure is one adorable pup with tons of personality.