Manipulation
Because I’m in that kind of mood.
Because I far too frequently wonder if parents confuse manipulation with brilliance, intelligence, and plain ol being "smart". In this day and age are we so focused on how brilliant or intelligent our kids are that we lose sight of the underlying behavior?
To me, if a child can manipulate a situation to totally benefit them and take advantage of someone else, that is not intelligence or brilliance. And if the parent thinks that the child has made a smart decision, the child has successfully pulled one over on you. Gee, do you think the child will repeat that behavior? Do you think your reward system is working? How does it feel to be manipulated? Oh wait! You don’t think you are! Does it make it okay if the manipulative child then in turn shares their bounty? Are they then viewed as giving or thoughtful?
Yes... intelligence does involve manipulation... as I just discovered in the definition below. But to me the line is crossed when the manipulation of the rules or system is strictly for their personal gain and directly undermines the purpose of the system that they are so brilliantly manipulating. Because, you know, they are intelligent that way.
Yeah - it makes sense, read it again.
Manipulation
2 b: to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
3: to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one's purpose
Intelligence
1 a (1): the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations (2): the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (as tests) 3: the act of understanding
Brilliant
2 b: distinguished by unusual mental keenness or alertness
Do our kids manipulate us? Heck yeah. All kids do to some degree! Are we aware of it? Most of the time I think we are. Do we call them on it? Every single time!
Do we think they are brilliant? Of course! I mean really, don't most parents think their kids are brilliant? But it isn't those manipulative moments that define their intelligence... at least not in our family.
What defines your child’s brilliance?
Because I far too frequently wonder if parents confuse manipulation with brilliance, intelligence, and plain ol being "smart". In this day and age are we so focused on how brilliant or intelligent our kids are that we lose sight of the underlying behavior?
To me, if a child can manipulate a situation to totally benefit them and take advantage of someone else, that is not intelligence or brilliance. And if the parent thinks that the child has made a smart decision, the child has successfully pulled one over on you. Gee, do you think the child will repeat that behavior? Do you think your reward system is working? How does it feel to be manipulated? Oh wait! You don’t think you are! Does it make it okay if the manipulative child then in turn shares their bounty? Are they then viewed as giving or thoughtful?
Yes... intelligence does involve manipulation... as I just discovered in the definition below. But to me the line is crossed when the manipulation of the rules or system is strictly for their personal gain and directly undermines the purpose of the system that they are so brilliantly manipulating. Because, you know, they are intelligent that way.
Yeah - it makes sense, read it again.
Manipulation
2 b: to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
3: to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one's purpose
Intelligence
1 a (1): the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations (2): the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (as tests) 3: the act of understanding
Brilliant
2 b: distinguished by unusual mental keenness or alertness
Do our kids manipulate us? Heck yeah. All kids do to some degree! Are we aware of it? Most of the time I think we are. Do we call them on it? Every single time!
Do we think they are brilliant? Of course! I mean really, don't most parents think their kids are brilliant? But it isn't those manipulative moments that define their intelligence... at least not in our family.
What defines your child’s brilliance?
Labels: Sanity Check
posted by Sonya at 2:07 PM
1 Comments:
Well I know it's not Justus being able to "play mommy" at bedtime, that is manipulative, disruptive and maddening.
His brilliance comes from his memory and when he teaches me something. This child never forgets. Like when we were in WM last night and he casually tells me all the phases of the frog life cycle. Froglet, really? It also is shown in his heightened senses and ability to pick up on the slightest cues. However, this is also a weakness.
How are your kids brilliant? :) And any thoughts from a veteran parent on being overly rambunctious? (to put it nicely)
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