Unsettled Thanksgiving
Sunday morning Carie and I were standing in the lengthy line at Panera preparing to enjoy our 30 minutes of adult debriefing time.
As we were standing in line my attention was drawn to an area where several tables were pushed together, with every space filled with a women who appeared to be enjoying her morning. Conversations were flying about when all of a sudden one woman got everyone's attention. She had some important news to share about her health. Every person at that table listened intently. They were genuinely interested and concerned, and it showed. You can't fake this, folks. They were truly concerned about the situation and how they could help. Then the topic of Thanksgiving came up. It seemed that maybe this woman has hosted it in the past or maybe it was her turn this year. I don't know the details; after all it really wasn't any of my business. It was just fascinating watching them all work it out. Immediately there were many offers and suggestions on the small Thanksgiving dilemma. Their dialogue was quite civil, caring, and they appeared to have a unique goal in mind. They listened to one another! It wasn't about when; it was about how they could come together.
I was really blown away by this exchange. It gave me hope. At this point in my life, not necessarily hope for my extended family. But hope that somewhere Thanksgiving is celebrated with joy, peace, togetherness, and a true desire to have all that and be all that. I want that. I want my kids to have that.
We can only manage our priorities, interests, desires, etc... We can have hope that things will be a certain way. But when our hopes, dreams, and priorities depend on others having similar interests and priorities, all we can do is manage our own end of things. We can't make anyone else want it like we want it.
It's that time of year again. To say that we weren't bracing for it would be a lie. We wish things could be different, we really do. It would be so awesome if everyone really just wanted to be together and that the logistics of it all just didn't matter.
But for such a small family, it always is so difficult. So frustrating and difficult. It isn't like there are 6, 8, or even 10 siblings. There are just 3 of us. I get that there is visitation, in-laws, and all the common considerations that should be taken. But this isn't unusual. This isn't anything new. This isn't anything unique to our family, it really isn't.
Yet every year we hit this road block where everyone's panties get in a bunch. I would say that maybe it's just our panties getting in a bunch, but I know for certain that we aren't the only ones who are unsettled. And this year, I'm pushing the envelope. I'm pushing the envelope because change must happen. Maybe I should borrow some of Obama's signs! We cannot participate in this unsettledness any longer. I've said that before. I've asked for this to happen over the past 3 years and yet here we are, faced with adversity yet again.
And the thing is, we (my immediately family) have been and continue to be completely flexible. I don't know how many times WE have said... just tell us when we are celebrating and we will be there. Period. Keep us out of the drama. Period. It isn't about us and it won't be about us. Period. But this year I am making it about us because this unsettledness must end.
Bottom line, it is impossible to make everyone happy. It is impossible to meet every single need. Some of the considerations are downright appalling. It is not reasonable to be expected to meet some of the needs on the table. Simply not reasonable. Period.
If all these other things take precedence, if there really are too many things to work around, then perhaps it is true that we all don't have a common interest or desire to come together as a family to share the joys of the Holiday.
Sometimes, like it or not, you just have to meet in the middle. Because when you don't you get this unsettled feeling. And that must stop.
As we were standing in line my attention was drawn to an area where several tables were pushed together, with every space filled with a women who appeared to be enjoying her morning. Conversations were flying about when all of a sudden one woman got everyone's attention. She had some important news to share about her health. Every person at that table listened intently. They were genuinely interested and concerned, and it showed. You can't fake this, folks. They were truly concerned about the situation and how they could help. Then the topic of Thanksgiving came up. It seemed that maybe this woman has hosted it in the past or maybe it was her turn this year. I don't know the details; after all it really wasn't any of my business. It was just fascinating watching them all work it out. Immediately there were many offers and suggestions on the small Thanksgiving dilemma. Their dialogue was quite civil, caring, and they appeared to have a unique goal in mind. They listened to one another! It wasn't about when; it was about how they could come together.
I was really blown away by this exchange. It gave me hope. At this point in my life, not necessarily hope for my extended family. But hope that somewhere Thanksgiving is celebrated with joy, peace, togetherness, and a true desire to have all that and be all that. I want that. I want my kids to have that.
We can only manage our priorities, interests, desires, etc... We can have hope that things will be a certain way. But when our hopes, dreams, and priorities depend on others having similar interests and priorities, all we can do is manage our own end of things. We can't make anyone else want it like we want it.
It's that time of year again. To say that we weren't bracing for it would be a lie. We wish things could be different, we really do. It would be so awesome if everyone really just wanted to be together and that the logistics of it all just didn't matter.
But for such a small family, it always is so difficult. So frustrating and difficult. It isn't like there are 6, 8, or even 10 siblings. There are just 3 of us. I get that there is visitation, in-laws, and all the common considerations that should be taken. But this isn't unusual. This isn't anything new. This isn't anything unique to our family, it really isn't.
Yet every year we hit this road block where everyone's panties get in a bunch. I would say that maybe it's just our panties getting in a bunch, but I know for certain that we aren't the only ones who are unsettled. And this year, I'm pushing the envelope. I'm pushing the envelope because change must happen. Maybe I should borrow some of Obama's signs! We cannot participate in this unsettledness any longer. I've said that before. I've asked for this to happen over the past 3 years and yet here we are, faced with adversity yet again.
And the thing is, we (my immediately family) have been and continue to be completely flexible. I don't know how many times WE have said... just tell us when we are celebrating and we will be there. Period. Keep us out of the drama. Period. It isn't about us and it won't be about us. Period. But this year I am making it about us because this unsettledness must end.
Bottom line, it is impossible to make everyone happy. It is impossible to meet every single need. Some of the considerations are downright appalling. It is not reasonable to be expected to meet some of the needs on the table. Simply not reasonable. Period.
If all these other things take precedence, if there really are too many things to work around, then perhaps it is true that we all don't have a common interest or desire to come together as a family to share the joys of the Holiday.
Sometimes, like it or not, you just have to meet in the middle. Because when you don't you get this unsettled feeling. And that must stop.
Labels: Thanksgiving
posted by Sonya at 10:58 AM
1 Comments:
Did you come to an agreement? We think that holidays are a great reason to move out of CA :) Then it's only the three(+) of us and not dealing with the extended family. When J is old enough we may also consider going to help the less fortunate instead of doing the big dinner thing, but we'll see.
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